Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina is our newly elected pope.  See what we discovered about our new Holy Father with the Top Things We Know About Pope Francis.

 

--His last name rhymes with "gigolo."  And if you laughed at that, congratulations, you're going to HELL!

 

--He's lived a clean, chaste life.  But since he's South American, odds are he has a cousin who sold you weed.

 

--He has a huge head.  Which will make his hat look normal-sized.

 

--At 76, he adds some much-needed youth and spirit to The Vatican.

 

--He's now the world's second most powerful virgin, behind Tim Tebow.

 

--He's so humble that he almost cancels out Kanye West.  Almost.

 

--He's the first thing to come from South America that doesn't lie since Shakira's hips.

 

--Even though he's the ultimate authority to 1.1 billion people, he still wouldn't dare do something as presumptuous as telling them how much soda they can drink.

 

--Unlike Pope Benedict, he bears no resemblance to a "Star Wars" emperor.

 

--During the conclave, he was cracking the cardinals up by hilariously saying, "No pope for you!" in the Soup Nazi voice.

 

--He's the only person in South America who never wore a thong to the beach.

 

--Sundays are for mass.  Saturdays are for "Sabado Gigante"!

 

--His first pardon will be to forgive Madonna for "Evita".

 

--He insists that his private bathroom have pope-pouri.

 

--He's a size 7 in giant pope hats.

 

--He still has that New Pope smell.

-- He played Uncle Junior on The Sopranos