Did you watch "The Academy Awards" last night on ABC?  If not, we have a recap with the Top Things We Learned From the Oscars.

 

 

--When he grew up, Peter Brady created "Family Guy" and then hosted the 85th Academy Awards.

 

 

--There is no bigger fan of Seth MacFarlane than Seth MacFarlane.

 

 

--Primitive man created gods and worshipped golden idols to give meaning to their empty lives.  Centuries later, we haven't changed one bit.

 

 

--William Shatner no longer has a neck.

 

 

--Tommy Lee Jones looks more terrifying when he smiles than when he frowns.

 

 

--Jack Nicholson has no idea where the hell he is anymore.

 

 

--Whether she's an Oscar host or an Oscar winner, Anne Hathaway is annoying.

 

 

--Whoever did that to Anne Hathaway's hair should be fired from Supercuts immediately.

 

 

--A surefire way to make the naked breasts of actresses completely unsexy is to have Seth MacFarlane sing about them.

 

 

--Based on all those commercials, evidently J.C. Penney is still in business.

 

 

--For upsetting Steven Spielberg in the Best Director category, Ang Lee will soon be dead.

 

 

--Despite all evidence to the contrary, Amy Adams and Isla Fisher are apparently two different people.

 

 

--We'll never be able to conclusively determine whether Norah Jones is hot . . . or kind of weird-looking.

 

 

--"Amour" looks hiiii-larious!

 

 

--If you cried when Barbra Streisand sang "Memories", you're gay.  If you cried when Barbra Streisand didn't sing more, you're even gayer.