Is Manti Te'o a victim of an elaborate hoax, or a co-conspirator?  That we don't know . . . but let's go with what we do.  Here are the Top Things We're Learning About Manti Te'o.

--Even though his girlfriend doesn't exist, Brent Musburger still finds her smokin'. 

--He's the biggest embarrassment to Notre Dame football in the past fifteen years since, well, Notre Dame football.

--Sadly, even though his girlfriend isn't real, his performance in the BCS game was.

 --Those tattoos all over his arms?  Henna. 

--He'll admit to everything next week during an interview with Oprah.

--He once left a motivational speech by Lou Holtz covered in slobber.

--He claims he wasn't in on the hoax.  So he's not only naïve, he's a liar, too.

--He absolutely will not say "Candyman" five times in front of a mirror.

--His team may not have won the BCS Title, but the imaginary post-game sex was dynamite!

 --To this day he believes Obama was sitting in that chair that Clint Eastwood was yelling at.

 --When you stand on one side of him and tap his other shoulder, he has nightmares for a week.

 --He's been working through all of this with the help of an imaginary therapist.

 --In high school, he used to use the "my girlfriend just died" excuse at least once a month to skip classes.

 --In the past year, he's bought 12 bridges.

 --"Manti" is Hawaiian for "plummeting NFL draft stock."

--Notre Dame fans believe he's an innocent victim.  And they're ALWAYS sane and rational when it comes to their football team.

 --He LOVES it when you run up to him and use your best Harry Belafonte voice to sing, "TE'O!  TE'O!  DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WAN' GO HOME!"

 --It's now being learned his dead grandmother also didn't exist.  And neither did his dead grandfather, parents, siblings, cousins, uncles or conjoined twin.

 --On the list of famous people with the initials "MT," he's somehow a better storyteller than Mark Twain and more delusional than Mike Tyson.

 --Over the course of his college career, he had 427 tackles.  And 864 fake relationships.

 --It's TOTALLY possible to have a meaningful online relationship with someone you've never met in person.  Case in point:  Myself and Jenna Jameson.

 --His family built the soundstage where Neil Armstrong faked the moon landing.

 --In his free time, he enjoys fishing, golf and sending all his money to an upstanding young gentleman from the Nigerian Consulate.

 --He easily falls for things that turn out to not really exist.  Like true love.

 --He stole the idea of being a publicly humiliated Mormon from Mitt Romney.

 --He says he got tricked by the Internet.  You think a Hawaiian would be better at SURFING.

--He believes a lot of dumb things.  You know, like "Notre Dame had a chance against Alabama."

--He decided to kill off his imaginary girlfriend when she stopped having imaginary sex with him.

 --His fake girlfriend's Twitter account was actually run by a man he knew.  In other words, there's one big gay reason for all of this. 

 --His favorite episode of "The Brady Bunch" was the one where Jan had her imaginary boyfriend George Glass.

 --If you have a bridge to sell him, do it.

--He didn't get into Notre Dame based on his IQ.

 --His favorite musical artists are Milli Vanilli and Ashlee Simpson.

 --In Samoan, "Manti Te'o" means "I believe anything."

 --He didn't know Skype existed, evidently.