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Last week, 28-year-old William Cantrell of East Nashville, Tennessee was visiting his grandma. That's a nice thing to do. But everything that followed was NOT so nice.
William BROKE into his grandma's neighbor's house, and stole two things: An Xbox, and a small box. And the box contained . . . HUMAN ASHES. The neighbor's mother recently died, and the neighbor had a small bag of her cremated remains.
But apparently William mistook them for COCAINE.
Fortunately, he didn't have a chance to SNORT THEM. His grandma found the stolen stuff before he could learn whether or not you can get high snorting a dead person. He hadn't broken the seal on the bag of ashes.
He was arrested for aggravated burglary.
I understand the impulse to CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE as quickly as possible. I mean, it's very exciting to lose your virginity and have sex with your new spouse for the first time. Right? Um . . . moving on.
On Tuesday, 23-year-old Saint Ramirez and 31-year-old Miaya Smith got married at Oregon Trail Park in Gering, Nebraska. And after things were official, they wanted to celebrate by having sex . . . RIGHT THERE in the park.
So they went underneath a big pine tree and started getting-it-on. SEVERAL people saw them and called the cops. When the cops got there around 8:00 P.M., they were still in the process of having sex.
Their other family members . . . including Miaya's five-year-old daughter . . . were still hanging out at the park while they consummated the marriage.
On Wednesday, both Saint and Miaya pleaded guilty to public indecency and each got 30 days in jail.
The temperature keeps climbing and making us all miserable. So here are six weird tricks you can use to keep yourself cool . . . some of which seem counterintuitive.
1. Lick your wrists. Monkeys lick their wrists when they're hot. It works for humans too. Of course, you COULD just run them under cold water for 10 seconds . . . but isn't licking them more entertaining?
2. Get the hot salsa. Spicy foods actually cool you down.
3. Keep your lotion in the fridge. That way, when you put it on, it will keep you cold for a while.
4. Turn off the TV. Modern TVs generate a TON of heat. So when you're not watching, turn it off.
5. Put your mattress on the floor. Since heat rises, the closer you get to the floor, the better it will feel. You should also put your fans on the floor and angle them upward.
6. Eat frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. Yogurt has a higher water content than ice cream, so it's better for keeping your body temperature down.