Roll Tide
We'll be discussing last night's dismantling of Notre Dame by Alabama more with Tools, but we're using this segment to go thru the jokes...
--Alabama crushed Notre Dame 42-14 in last night's BCS Championship Game:
. . . It's Alabama's third title in four years. Not that any of its fans can count that high.
. . . In other exciting news involving the state of Alabama . . . no, that's it, actually. Just the football thing-y.
. . . Sadly, it gets worse for Notre Dame. Today the team has to return to Indiana.
. . . Great. That's all the Irish need . . . another reason to drink.
. . . The Irish defense was so toothless that Alabama players mistook it for their fans.
. . . The ass whooping left Notre Dame fans speechless. And considering one of them is Regis, that really means something.
. . . The game was sponsored by Discover. Here, I'll use it in a sentence: This offseason, Notre Dame players should DISCOVER how to friggin' tackle.
. . . It was easy for Bama players to hoist Nick Saban on their shoulders after the game. All they had to do was lift him up by the stick up his ass.
--Alabama crushed Notre Dame 42-14 in last night's BCS Championship Game:
. . . But in the end, Alabama fans still have to live in Alabama . . . so who are the real winners?
. . . The game delighted Alabama residents . . . until they remembered they still live in Alabama.
. . . Normally, to see the Irish strike out so badly, you need to go into a pub and watch them try to pick up women.
. . . Luckily, Notre Dame's chaplain was on the sideline and was able to administer Last Rites to the team in the third quarter.
--In last night's BCS Championship Game, Notre Dame lost to Alabama in a blowout. The game was so bad that millions of guys actually let their girlfriends change the channel to the season premiere of "The Bachelor" instead.
--The Pope wasn't upset about Notre Dame's loss. He had money on Alabama.
--Notre Dame got smoked in last night's championship bowl game. Speaking of "smoked" and "bowls" . . . I wonder how Justin Bieber's doing?
Tools With Sports
Johnny has the perfect word for what happened to Notre Dame last night... they were manhandled. Too bad Ohio St. wasn't allowed to play in the game because of NCAA restrictions... the game would've been better (it couldn't have been worst.
Did you see Brent Musberger perving on the girlfriend of the Alabama QB?
Congrats to local girl Abby Wambach for being only the second American (the first being Mia Hamm two decades ago) to be voted FIFA Woman's Player Of The Year.
Today is also the birthday of Elvis Presley, so we had to play John's favorite bit for him, which you can listen to, and laugh at HERE.
Redneck News
Newark Village Police responded to the Wegman’s store on Wednesday for a report of a shoplifter.
Jeremy Henson, age 42, of Murray Street in N e w a r k was subsequently a r r e s t e d for Petit Larceny. It is alleged H e n s o n stole a bag full of deodorants valued at $ 7 9 . 0 2 . He will appear in Newark Village Court January 16th.
Lyons Village Police reported the arrest on Saturday (12/22) of Peter Derr, age 22, of Franklin Street in Lyons for Trespass in the 3rd Degree and Criminal P o s s e s sion of S t o l e n Property in the 5th Degree.
It is alleged Derr was trespassing on the CSX r a i l r o a d tracks and at the time of his arrest had two cans of Loko energy drink in his possession that had been stolen from the Kwik Fill convenience store on 12/21 by another individual. Derr was released on appearance tickets for Lyons Village Court on 1/9.
On November 12th, State Police in Wolcott took a report of stolen property from vehicles on East Port Bay Road in Wolcott. A m o n g the property taken was a P a n t e c h Tablet.
On Dec e m b e r 27th, the owner of the tablet heard through a third party that Dylan Webber, age 16, of West Port Bay Road was bragging about stealing from cars on East Port Bay Road and that he had the tablet. The victim went over and confronted Webber about taking his tablet and Webber told him he did and gave the owner the tablet.
The victim brought Webber to SP Wolcott to be arrested. Webber was arrested for Petit Larceny and issued an appearance ticket to return to the Town of Wolcott Court at a later date.
State Police in Lyons responded to a report of an underage drinking party at 3208 Pintail View in Macedon at midnight on Friday (12/28).
Charged with Endangering the Welfare of a Child were Emily K. Henderson,age 18 for h o s t i n g the party w h e r e approxim a t e l y two dozen minors, the youngest being 10 years old were in attendance.
Also arrested was
C a s e y Bock, age 19 of 3118 Wiedrick Road in Macedon who reportedly allowed a 10 yearold in his custody to attend the underage drinking party.
Both Henderson and Bock were released on appearance tickets for Town of Macedon on January 8th.
Emily K. Henderson Casey Bock
On Friday, December 28th, at approximately 9 pm Chadd J. Zerniak, age 22, of North Rose got into an argument with his m o t h e r after she would not let him use the vehicle. At approxim a t e l y 1 0 p m Chadd’s m o t h e r fell asleep and Chadd took the vehicle without permission. At approximately 11:30pm Chadd’s mother awoke to find the vehicle was gone.
While completing the paperwork with Chadd’s mother, Chadd pulled back into the driveway with the vehicle. Chadd was taken into custody and charged with UnAuthorized Use of a Motor Vehicle in the 3rd Degree. Chadd was arraigned in the Town of Rose Court and remanded to the Wayne County Jail on $1,000 cash bail.
Doug With News
- Nguyen Scheduled For Court Today
- Million Dollar Settlement In Darien Lake Death
- Syracuse In Scramble Mode As Marrone Heads To NFL
Wease Gets A Hate Letter
Yesterday Wease received an email where the writer calls Wease a hypocritical liar, and a piece of vermin. This is in regards to something Wease said yesterday about letting his son quit a sports team, and the hater thinks it's because Wease is too lazy to go to the games. He compares it to Wease not liking to go to his daughter's dance recitals We don't understand the letter's use of the word "hypocrite", or why the writer cares so much about stuff that isn't any of his business, and let's it upset him.
We're joined by our buddy Willie, and Pauly asks how Willie met Wease. Willie tells a very nice story about how he was always a fan of Wease's, and would come see the show when they were on remote. One day Wease gave Willie concert tix, and even found him a ride to Darien Lake, to go see Jonny Lang and Jeff Beck. Street Willie has been our friend and official photographer ever since. Here's a pic from the early days of the friendship of Wease and Willie...
The Gun Debate Rages On
We start the segment by discussing an on-air disagreement between CNN's Piers Morgan and right wing/conspiracy theory radio host Alex Jones over guns. Morgan is anti-gun, but Jones doesn't think Piers should be able to comment on U.S. laws because he's from England. If you missed this discussion here are some clips...
Emily tells us how her boyfriend likes guns, and shooting at targets, but she is uncomfortable with the fact that he keeps them in their bedroom. The anti-gun stance of Wease, Pauly, and Emily leads to some listeners on the other side to call, and defend the right to own guns, even of the semi-automatic and automatic variety.
Super Bowl Ad Controversy
A conservative website is accusing CBS of mocking Christianity with a new Super Bowl promo that shows NEIL PATRICK HARRIS wearing eye black with the date of the game written on it. They say he's making fun of TIM TEBOW, who often writes Bible verses on his eye black. And, of course, they're particularly upset because Neil is gay.
This leads to a discussion of relatives of Wease's that he suspects are gay, so we try calling his sister to ask her about it. She wasn't in, but we wound up talking to her husband Joe Bob, who is a former FBI agent and tells us a bunch of great stories from his career.
Poop
AL ROKER admits that he pooped his pants at the White House back in 2002, a month after undergoing gastric bypass surgery. He says he was trying to pass a little gas but, quote, "a little something extra came out. I pooped my pants. Not horribly, but enough that I knew." So he got rid of his underwear in a bathroom and went commando from there on out.
This leads to us talking about various bathroom emergencies we've experienced, and how often there is a "photo finish" when you're rushing to get to a toilet.
Help For Veterans
Members from the Department of Veterans Affairs, Monroe Community College and the Monroe County Veterans Agency are putting on a benefits fair for veterans on Saturday, January 12th.
Ken Moore, the Outreach Coordinator for the Monroe County Veterans Agency, said that many Veterans may not know about the services and discounts that are available to them, so this event will be showcasing more than 45 different providers of veteran services throughout the county.
The fair will be held on MCC's campus on January 12th, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
The Italian Wedding Test
Wease is a little distracted coming back from commercial because he's being entertained by a joke emailed to him on his phone. He shares it with us...
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
In a few minutes we'll be speaking to a professional gambler that Wease has read a book about, so before we talk to him Pauly and Brooksie talk about their betting prospects (they're up $12.50 each and wanna let it roll). Pauly is thinking Denver -9 1/2, and Brooksie likes Seattle +3.
Dinky
This might be the most excited Wease has been to speak to a guest in a long time... a Vegas gambler named Dinky, and the basis for one of the main characters in a book and movie called "Lay The Favorite" (Bruce Willis plays him in the movie). We are entertained by all the big time gambling stories, and finding out how Hollywood fudged the facts of what really happened. Love all the stuff about his biggest wins and losses, the time he spent with Bruce Willis, how he picks his best bets, and the tip that Atlanta Falcons are a good bet this weekend.
Tomorrow's Show
We close the show discussing how attractive people make more money in their careers than regular people, and whether tattoos are a detriment to getting hired. Join us tomorrow for a special Wednesday edition of Marshall Fine Film Reviews, Tools, Doug, Ask Wease, and much more. It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice.
