Monday With Marianne
A new era of The Wease Show begins.... Marianne Sierk joins us as the newest sidekick, and so you can know a little bit about her...
According to a survey by MSN, if you spend a lot of money on dinner, you can guilt some women into sleeping with you.
--The cutoff is $150. One in five guys say that if they spend that much on dinner, they "expect" their date to sleep with them.
--And it WORKS. One in 14 women admit that if a guy spent that much on dinner, they would feel "obliged" to have sex with him.
--In other words, if you have $2,100 to spare . . . which is enough to take 14 women out for an expensive dinner . . . you have a good chance of getting some. (???)
--Or, if you can't afford to spend that much on dinner, you can take the same girl out five times: That's how many dates the average woman says she waits before having sex for the first time. The average guy is ready after three.
--The average date costs a guy $71 . . . so five dates with a girl will cost you $355.
This leads to a discussion of online dating, Wease's classic story of using a computer service where he saw the pics of the women beforehand even though he wasn't supposed to, and Marianne telling about the time she met the most boring guy ever online.
Cosmo Sex Tips (Real or Fake)
Wease worries this "True Or False" segment supplied by one of our prep services might be too dirty, but we're going for it anyway...
If you've ever flipped through a copy of "Cosmo", you know how ridiculous some of their sex tips are. We've got a list of eight tips here. See if you can guess which ones are REAL sex tips from "Cosmo", and which ones are fake.
#1.) "Put a piece of mango in your mouth, then pleasure your guy 'down there.' But don't try anything too acidic, because it could burn him."
--That one is a REAL "Cosmo" sex tip. According to the article, you shouldn't swallow the mango. You should keep it in your mouth WHILE you're going to town, because it adds more pressure.
#2.) "Keep asking him if he's almost done, and act dissatisfied. It's reverse psychology, and makes him last longer." That one is . . . FAKE. Thank God.
#3.) "Dip your boobs in edible body paint, and use them to sponge paint his entire body. Then lick it off." That one is . . . REAL. And it also sounds like there's a lot of clean-up afterward.
#4.) "Draw two attention-grabbing circles on your boobs using rhinestones and body glue for a "special night in." That one is . . . REAL.
--They don't say what a "special night" entails. But we assume it includes vacuuming up a lot of rhinestones.
#5.) "When you're doing it, it's good to laugh and yell things like "Wheeee!" to let him know you're having fun." That one is . . . FAKE. Obviously, acting like you're on a Disneyland ride isn't a turn-on for most guys. Notice we said MOST guys.
#6.) "Dab some peppermint oil on your neck and between your boobs. Studies have found that the smell of mint has a revitalizing effect." That one is . . . REAL. And as a "bonus," they say you'll, quote, "smell extra fresh"
#7.) "Order a pizza, then immediately start getting it on. If he doesn't finish by the time the pizza gets there, he owes you a dinner out." That one is . . . FAKE.
--But a lot of guys might actually go for that. Just one dinner at a restaurant in exchange for guaranteed sex AND pizza? Plus, it's almost guaranteed he'll be done in 30 minutes or less.
#8.) "If Your Sex Toy Runs Out of Batteries, Use Your Electric Toothbrush or Your iPhone Instead." That one is . . . REAL, believe it or not.
--Then when you're done . . . please . . . clean your iPhone or throw your toothbrush in a dumpster.
Marianne goes 8 for 8... I think we have a sexpert on our hands.
This is how things work on the Wease Show... Wease reads this joke from our joke sheet "Miley Cyrus and Snoop Lion are collaborating on a song. I don't know what it will be about, but my guess is marijuana. You?", and Wease mentions that he digs Miley. Marianne asks why, and Wease's first answer is the sexy picture with side boob.
Two friends in New York named Ashley and Rubi were complaining about how much they hated their periods . . . so they decided to do something about it. (--Their last names aren't given.)
--They originally came up with the idea for an online store that sends monthly care packages to menstruating women back in 2010 . . . and on March 1st, they opened The Period Store.
--Care packages include ibuprofen, tea, a five-by-seven piece of art that celebrates womanhood, and dessert. You can also add feminine-hygiene products like tampons, pads and sponges.
--Prices start at $15 a month and go as high as $30, depending on how large a care package you want . . . and the different sizes have period-themed names like Heavy and Light.
Jodi Arias Before And After